33: The Year of Me

My birthday is coming up in one week! I love my birthday! The weather is turning cooler, pumpkins are everywhere, and the presents. I love the presents. Just in case anyone didn't know. Lol! Every time my birthday rolls around, I think back to all my birthday parties. I have so many fond memories of many giggly sleepovers and one famous hayride that put an end to all hayrides. Let's leave it at that, shall we? I also remember one birthday sleepover where two dozen chocolate cupcakes and at least two loaves of bread worth of grilled cheeses were eaten by about 4 or 5 girls. I remember my birthday parties at home with homemade cakes and family gathered around singing happy birthday so off key that wolves would howl. I may not remember all the presents given, but I remember the love I felt. So much love! I was born on a very special day and that day is not Columbus Day. I was born on my Papa's birthday. I have always shared my birthday with him. My heart aches. This will be the 2nd birthday without him here. It just doesn't feel right blowing out my candles without him here. Every time I smell a cigar, see a cow or cowboy hat, hear a lawn mower, hear "Yellow Rose of Texas," or see John Wayne, I think of him and how much I miss him. I miss him so much. I wonder what birthdays in heaven are like? I'm sure there are some Bible scholars out there that would say we don't have birthdays in heaven...to those people, I say, "hush." I just know that Jesus likes to party and birthdays are fun. Maybe they celebrate your heavenly birthdays up there. We don't know. I like to think that we will party with lots of yummy food and not a pound gained. :) Speaking of pounds, I've lost some. Not a ton, but some pounds have been lost. My hubby finally put my elliptical together last night. We've had it for a month, but it is finally together. I ellipted (?) for 25 minutes. Go me. As for food, I totally stink at this whole diet thing. I tried the no carb, no sugar life. I really tried. And I really stink at it. I love the carbs. I just cannot deal with high protein. I only like chicken, pork, and beef. That's it. I don't eat the water animals. I also don't like mushrooms. Or avacado. Or olives. Or carrots. Or kale. Or or or or or. I'm picky. I admit it. I like cheese and bread. I could seriously eat a grilled cheese every day. A grilled cheese and chips. This is not healthy. I am just counting calories. It's all I can do. And even then...fitness pal yells at you if you eat certain things. I am doing the best I can, fitness pal. I know my choice isn't awesome, but it is under my calorie count so...shove it. I'm going to have to chill out when Halloween gets here. I cannot lose my mind when the chocolate is everywhere. Someone needs to send me a sweet gift that is not candy and remind me to not eat the candy. I love Halloween though. I love the cute decorations. Not the scary ones. The scary ones need to go. Here are things I'm excited about: Harry Potter, Hocus Pocus, Nightmare before Christmas, Halloweentown, pumpkin patches, trick or treating with Macy (she is going to be a peacock), and Holiday House. Who else goes to Holiday House? I love this new tradition that me and my girlfriends do every year! We have the best time! You should go if you get a chance. Lastly, I am calling this year, 33 year of me. It's not that I'm trying to be selfish. I need to focus on my spiritual and physical health. I need to get healthy for my family and myself. I need to get close to the Lord and grow in Him more than I ever have before. I always have good intentions, but that just doesn't cut it. I need the Lord. I need His guidance. I need His strength. What about you? Where are you spirtually? If you feel like me, join me in drawing near to the Lord. Find a good Bible study, join a community group or a Group at church, make a decision to read the Bible in a year, start a journal, etc. I'm excited about what the Lord is going to do in my life this year. Are you?

Junk, junk, and more junk

First of all, changing your eating habit is junk. Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, and Smart Ones apparently have no idea what food taste like and have never lived in the south. I reject your attempt at making food. I have decided that I will eat real food. I've been researching and trying different things. My final decision: No carbs is awesome, but just dang near impossible for this addict. I'm doing LOW carb and no sugar (unless natural as in fruit). I just believe that if God created it to grow for us to eat, then we should eat it. Pineapples were not created in a lab so therefore I am eating them. They are yummy and you cannot convince me otherwise. Now...beets, avacado, and mushrooms are a negative. I'm not eating those. No recipe or whatever your argument is can convince me that those are good. Beets taste like dirt. Muddy wormy dirt. Negatory. Avacado is mushy and I just can't even. Mushrooms are fungus. FUNGUS! They grow out of dead leaves and junk. They don't even go through photosynthesis. They have SPORES. I cannot eat spores. Negative. Don't even get me started on olives. Seafood is a no go. I don't do water animals. I'm not against eating them, I just don't like them. I wish I did. I am so jealous of the crab leg eaters. It looks scrumptious, but I just can't. Anyways...on a positive note, I am enjoying different foods. I even made some Almond flour biscuits and they were awesome. However, $7 for a pound of almond flour is ridiculous. Just sayin. Other junk to discuss, house cleaning. Y'all, I am terrible at house cleaning. After working all day, I have no desire to clean house, fold laundry, vacuum, do dishes, mop (not sure I even know where mine is), pick up toys, and bathrooms (ew). I just hate all that. House cleaning is horsecrappery. Top of my list of loathing. Someone needs to take pity on my and come de-trash, de-clutter, and de-dirt my house. I can feed you. I can't guarantee it will be healthy, but it will be good (still working on that healthy thing). Junk #3, the new elliptical. Did you know that when you order an elliptical it comes in a box in PARTS!? So...exercise has been post-poned until my man or any man for that matter put it together. It has bolts and nuts and stuff. I don't speak that language. Junk #4 Big Brother 17. This season is lame and I want to speak to the casting directors and pinch them really hard on the neck or arm. There were like 4 decent people to watch in that house. The rest of them are kind of lame and don't know how to play Big Brother. Plus, they need to get rid of Battle of the Block and bring back the Have/Have Not comps. Big Brother 18 better be epic next summer or I'm gonna scream and put in an application at CBS. Someone needs to get it together over there, man. Final junk of the day, my foot. It is perhaps maybe broken or something. It hates me. Extreme pain that ibuprofen and advil cannot even handle. Going to see the doc I guess. They better not send me home with, "Put ice on it and stay off it." because I will throw a hissy in the office. Ice isn't helping and staying off it is a dream. I have a toddler and a full-time job. The doctors can pay me to stay at home if they want to, but we all know that isn't going to happen. so... Have a junky weekend, friends.

Diets are bleh!

Well, I started my low carb/no sugar lifestyle change (If I call it a diet, I just can't even deal). I recently watched a testimony called Butter will make your pants fall off. It was pretty neat and gave the science behind why sugar is so bad for your body. Sugars are in the carbs too (bummer) so I've got to nix those as well. So far, I've been doing pretty good except that I am tempted to eat all the things. My addict self wants a coke and a whole pan of rolls. All the breads. All the chips. I think I need a support group. Hello, my name is Mandy and I'm a carb addict. Good grief. I did get an elliptical machine thing. When it arrives, I shall ellipt and such until the fat melts away. You people will have to ask me daily if I have ellipted because I need encouragement. Exercise is not easy for the sedentary folks. I'm pretty excited about it, but the question is where to put it. And don't you say the garage. It is hot out there and bugs creep about. I will need to place it in the vicinity of the television. My living room is small so if you come over and the elliptical is blocking everything, I'm not sorry. I'm trying to get healthy so move around it. Or buy me a TV for my bedroom. TV: I am watching Big Brother and it's making me crazy. These people this season are terrible. Just sayin. If I were in that show, I would probably be on slop the whole time and make friends with everyone because of my people skills and then take everyone out one by one until final two...then I would win the 500k and pay off debt. Hee hee hee hee! I'm now watching The Middle because it is awesome and doesn't cause anxiety. Plus, I've been coloring in those adult coloring books. Love it! Makes me feel less stressed and plus I don't want to snack when I am coloring away. Get one if you need some therapy. It is very soothing. So, I'm a board game lover. I am currently seeking people who love Settlers of Catan. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Mondays are not for weenies

Mondays are just no fun. Let's be honest here...no one likes Mondays. Mondays make you get up early and be productive. That's totally uncalled for. But it happens anyway so I guess we have to suck it up and go to work. I love my work...I just don't like early. Mornings are hateful. I'm trying to do better about getting up earlier. I downloaded an app called First5. It works like an alarm. You set it for a time in the morning and when it sounds, it gives you a little devotional to start your day with the Lord. It also has some deeper moments to study more throughout the day. I'm only a few days in, but I love it! It's a great opportunity to get up early with Jesus instead of a bad attitude. I'm excited! I still need 30 minutes of silence when I get up in the morning though. Today, I am thankful for Jesus, who is so loving and forgiving, I can't even understand it. I am so grateful that He loves me. He loves this crazy, sassy lady and I am in awe of His love. If you don't know Him, please message me! I would love to share with you about what He has done in my life! I am also thankful for Jen Hatmaker! Her new book, For the Love, is so hilarious, but also hits so many truths that we all need to hear! I made pizza tonight for dinner using her recipe and it is always a hit! I just still can't believe that I made dough and sauce from scratch...I'm so giddy over it! Thankful #3 my Macy girl! She is so spunky and imaginative. I love her sweet spirit with a side of sass. I've been thinking so much about how this is her last year to be a "baby." She will start preschool next school year. I have so many anxieties, but I know she will do great! Weight loss thought today: I didn't ate a wrap for lunch. Win. I had pizza for dinner. Loss. (It was all homemade though so I took some processing junkiness out of it soooo...half win. This is going to be a long process, but I have so many of you out there that are supportive. Thanks so much! Love you dearly!

Update (It's only been like 5 years...guess it was time)

Hey, precious reader! Forget about me? I've decided to finally dive in to this world of blogging...mainly for me. I've hit what you would probably call a rough patch. I just can't get it together, man! I am all over the place. I'm a scattered brain hot mess. Let's face it, at times, we all are. First things first. I honestly cannot say that statement anymore without singing a little Iggy A in my head. Good grief. Any way, I changed the name of my blog because I am overweight and I struggle and fret daily over my body. However, I loathe the term, plus-sized. I think Queen-sized sounds more sassy and fun. I don't have a memory of being skinny. I've always been a bit on the round size. This is not me body shaming (whatever the heck). I am stating the facts. I know where I shop in the clothes. I have decided I'm going to get healthy (I know I've said it a 1,000 times), but I'm getting older and I honestly get worried about my health. It causes severe anxiety that if I let it, could consume me. My time schedule is lacking for exercising. Don't even talk to me about walking outside. I hate outside. It's hot, bug infested, crimes happen outside, and I just hate it. I hate it so much. The sun is evil, hot, and bright. I have no use for such Tom-foolery. I was going to join the gym and go Zumba and such. I don't see how I could ever get time to go and I am not paying extra to bring my 3 year old for an hour. And let's be honest, my fluffy self ain't staying longer than an hour. And when on planet earth would I cook dinner after all this Zumba nonsense if the classes start at 5:30. Who is eating at 7:30-8:00 at night and then getting littles bathed and in bed?! Oh my gravy and biscuits! I'm having anxiety thinking about the rushing. The hubby works nights and is in dream land until around 9/9:30 pm. Who am I trying to fool?! So...my next expense is an elliptical machine. I can do that inside and watch tv in the air conditioning and without the bugs and the little can play and be herself. Now onto the eating. This is where all the evil is. All the foods I love are so so bad. I do not eat like a rabbit. I know the health benefits of going vegan, but I just can't. I am not a sugar lover. Don't get me wrong, I do love a hot chocolate chip cookie or a donut (doughnut?), but I really don't crave sugar. I'm a savory type of person. I love the chips and dips and such. I know exactly how to eat right. What I need the most is encouragement and accountability. I need someone to suffer along with me in this horsecrappery (thanks for the word, Jen Hatmaker) called losing weight. I've downloaded the apps, I've researched all the things, and I know how to do it. I just need to put it all into action. I do not want to eat salad everyday...unless it is with some ranch dressing. I've tried making the low fat version and it is terrible. I do not eat things that swim or live in the water. I do not, for the love of Doritos, eat tofu or beans. I just don't even know what tofu is made out of. It is a cheese or meat or jello?! If you want to be an encourager or you want to join me in losing some poundage, hit me up! The more the merrier! Now onto other junk: I am in a weird place spiritually. When my husband began working nights, it's like all things became weird around here. We weren't going to community group as much, we were not hanging with our couple friends as much, and I began living in what I like to call the not so single mom life. I couldn't make evening plans with friends because it would just be me and who would watch the little? So after turning down invite after invite, I finally just gave up. I felt weird about asking to get a babysitter when my husband was in the bedroom asleep. It just didn't seem right. I only trust a minuscule amount of people to watch my child (have you seen the news lately?! Crime ridden with weirdos) and most of those people are family who don't live in town. Life just got complicated. I didn't and don't go out much. Time passes as it tends to do and now I'm 32 and feel like I have super great friends who I never spend time with. It's depressing. Hold your eye rolls, I'm not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. I did this to myself. My husband works nights and goes to school during the day and I used it as an excuse to step away. This stepping away has caused me to also feel disconnected with the Savior. I know He loves my crazy self, but I also know He is calling me out of my pit. He is giving me the Daddy look that says, "Get your butt up and quit that nonsense!" So, I've signed up for a Wednesday night class at church that has child care provided (God knows what we need), my community group has decided to meet on Sunday nights (God knows my hubby doesn't work or school on Sunday), and I have been more intentional in my prayer time and Bible time. I want and need growth in my spiritual life or I'm gonna lose my ever lovin mind. Jesus is the curer of my crazy. If you think of me any, say a little prayer that I stay connected to the Father. I feel like I've unloaded a lot of baggage on you, reader. So sorry, but sometimes we have to get it out there or it bottles up inside and could explode. I will be using this blog for me to get out what is going on inside, if you want to follow my journey, please do, but if it's too much for you, feel free to keep scrolling on Facebook. Lastly, can we talk about Big Brother this season?! What a weird and sad cast. I'm kind of disappointed in the players. Also, CBS needs to get it together and entertain us! What happen to the way it used to be?! I'm also watching America's Got Talent. The professional regurgitator? What on earth is going on with that guy's organs. I cannot handle it. I'm also watching Gilmore Girls on repeat. It's just soothing to me. I'm reading For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. She is awesome on epic proportions. You should check her out. I'm not even going to talk about my novel right now. I'll just get mad. Maybe later. Love you all greatly!